A Love Letter!
Dearest Beloved , I can't think of a nicer way to express my feelings of affection than by putting finger to keyboard and tapping noisily on these little square black keys. .............
This was the opening sentence to the original post I had planned on writing for this past Valentines day in Febuary 2018 , the month of commercial love and social media cards......... Then I got to thinking about Real Love and what it is....
I came to the conclusion that I hadn't a fricking clue...........Why????......Because its a complicated emotion and has many forms and facets to it. I thought Romantic Love was generous and giving and didn't involve obsession and hatred and fear and all those other emotions and traits that Love would associate with a destructive relationship.
I am beginning to realise that I have had a very monochromed view of Love and the kind of relationships it wraps its warmth around. The reason I am thinking along these lines is because now on the impinging death of my mother (after a long and dreadful Journey suffering from the awful disease Vascular Dementia) I am beginning to understand what it means to be married to the same person for over 50 years and the complexities and varieties of love that such a lengthy period of time experiences and endures.
Love in its purest form is easy, in that it is easy to understand. Human meets human , attraction, chemistry and that elusive thing a merging of souls ( I dunno if this really exists, maybe some of you can enlighten me on this one in the comments........ I'd be pleased to hear your opinions) make for a complete and satisfying experience. The first flushes usually irritate those surrounding such exclusive and all consuming emotions and desires . As the months and years go by it naturally plateaus into something more stable and sustainable.
This is usually the stage where others admire the relationship and pour heartfelt compliments sugar coated with endearments and express their approvement etc. This is the crucial stage , this is the time where nothing can be taken for granted especially if everyone surrounding love is doing just that.
Love doesn't sustain itself through the outside approval and admiration of others. No couple ever stayed together because "people" thought they were so great/cool/exciting together. Effort must be made and life gets in the way. Most often these years are the most hectic and stressful of Loves life. The years of career advancment, of births and school and teenagers demands and Grandparents woes of old age.
Love is sometimes choked, made to feel neglected and ebbs and flows in all directions. Love fades and Love grows again. Love disappears and Delays returning or perhaps Moves away...................Love Changes!
Past mistakes and life flaws emerge like hungry wolves looking for sustainenance. Blame and guilt for the lucky ones. Ignorance and selfish pursuit of pleasure for those that hurt and love lost.
Fifty years of Loves Life together and ups and downs. No right and wrongs now its too late for the blame game. What is it about you (Love) that has me so perplexed. Are you a too familiar habit of routine, companionship and comfort or is it that you are on a higher plain so exclusive that I can't afford a ticket........
Six hours per day.........That is the length of time that Love stays by her bedside, combing her hair and applying her favourite coral shade of Lipstick. You are different now my elusive and fragile friend....... You are placid and afraid and wonder why you are so attentive when those around you spoke only of a destructive Love all those years ago.
Fear has made you stubborn and you never wish that Love will be merciful and finish what it started so that you can rest from your six hour toil. But in your heart this is not what you want . Love has panic installed in your fear and so you want your own light switched off and no more toil for you.
This may or may not happen for you my dear but either way you have payed your price and won the prize for Loves Lost years. There is no telling how long Love must endure but through a vacant stare and a constant wailing torment Love has seen a fast moment of pure feeling and a deep regret for mistakes of the past.
Love changes but is not any less real........
Dedicated to my parents who have endured all aspects of life and a Love Endured.
I would love to know your thoughts in the comments and if any of you have any experience of family in a similar situation.
Talk soon XXX VIOLINKIT